Tag: Jenny

For ‘Now and Again, Letter #3, She was running

Dear Girls,

This is letter #3 about your mom. I’m sure your heart breaks in many ways at times when you think of her.

The huge disabilities. With absolutely no ability to serve her girls cake on your birthdays. Unable to pick up a pencil to show you how to do the math problem. Or clap when you swam your best in the pool.

The tears that must have flowed from her eyes when she badly wanted to give you hugs.

But, I want your thoughts to be wonderful of your mom, not filled will sadness. So, I share this letter with you.

You may wonder, “How  did it come about that Ms. Toni would come once in a while and bring songs to your house.”

Your mom welcomed the songs and the music. They were a joy to her heart.

Her respirator alarm would go off while she was singing, but she sang anyway with all her breath.

And with the respirator, it was limited.But she sang with all her heart. God has a promise about that:

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:13.

God knew we needed each other, at this time of our lives. How I loved your mom.

I think of her often, her attitude, her faith.

The elders from the church came to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her in the name of Jesus. That’s what we were all waiting for.

We all know the stories. We’ve heard them, they were taught to us, when Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!”(Acts 3:6). And we know that he took the man by the right hand and helped him up and the man’s feet and ankles became strong.

Your mom had faith to believe she would walk again, day in and day out.

We picture all this in our minds, that “He jumped to his feet and began to walk.”(Acts. 3:8).  And we can see them as well, “walking and leaping and praising God” (Acts. 3:8), into the temple.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God,” (Rom. 10:17).

Your mom had believing faith.

She told me, when forced to go to the hospital because the Home Heath Care had expired,  “I’m going to walk out of this hospital.”

Tears did flow from her eyes. I know. I had to wipe those precious tears and cry with her a time or two.

Incredibly, with her very next breath, she would say in that sweet, whispery voice, “God is working. He’s going to do something amazing real soon!”

Well, guess what? God did answer that prayer the elders prayed. Your mom was healed of everything. Everything spiritually and emotionally.

So let me tell you the story, so you can read it now and again, the day your mama was running.

Well, since God had set it all up, that your mom and I would meet two times a week while she lay motionless on a bed for weeks.

We were living the Word. It was really precious: Yep, we would Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; and talk of all His wondrous works, Psalm 105:2, and we would Seek the LORD and His strength; and Seek His face evermore.”,Ps. 105:4.

And we read the Song of Solomon together. So, going on a journey of the Song of all songs we began. Let me tell you, God was working, and He was doing something amazing everyday.
So, you see, I brought to the hospital along with my ‘Baby guitar’ my Jon Courson’s Application Commentary, Old Testament, Volume 2.

We discovered the King’s love for His maiden, (or Jesus’ love for you and me and for all the “whosoevers spoken of in John 3:16), and we felt like two schoolgirls together with giant ‘crushes’ on…Jesus.

Your mom and I were so enraptured like never before by the Love of our Bridegroom Jesus, how even though we were messed up and ‘dark’ with sin, (Song of Solomon 1:6), and we felt He shouldn’t look at us, the King said,
“I have compared you, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.” Song of Sol. 1:9.

Our King, our Love compares us to  His prize possessions, (not a mule or donkey), and He says,
“Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of gold. We will make you ornaments, [braids] of gold…”(Song of Sol. 1:9-11).

The commentary told us that the King’s maidens wore headdresses with jewels and the “We will make you ornaments . . .” reminds us of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Jon Courson then explained this verse, “We will make you ornaments, or braids of gold “, like this: “When we wonder what the Lord is doing during times of trial  and testing, He is braiding us – His gold- through hard times of pounding and beating and shaping.” “What right does He have to pound on me and to beautify me in that way?” you ask.””

He said, “Read on.” So, read on we did. The song: “We will make you ornaments [braids] of gold with studs of silver.”(Song. of Sol. 1:9). Silver means redemption.  Then the song continues, “While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, That lies all night between my breasts. . .

And we remember,’myrrh’. It was the spice that was brought to Jesus when He was a baby. It’s a burial spice. And we know the Table, the Table of communion that reminds us of His love that was poured out. Jesus died.

“A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me,” the song goes. Yes, we hold our Jesus close to our hearts. He loves us ultimately.

Your mama and I experienced a bit of heaven on that morning together. So much love was poured out in our hearts that morning. Your mom couldn’t hold anything in her arms, but we both held Jesus.

Let Him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

Jon Courson did a great job reminding us that “you cannot kiss two people on the lips at one time.”And we thought, “Hmmm, very true.”

 “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth for Your love is better than wine.”  And your mom and I learned that the word ‘wine’ in the Bible speaks of joy. So here in just the first two verses in the song this maiden is saying, “Lord, I am completely, absolutely, 100% Yours, and Your love is more to me than anything this world has to offer.”

I bet you are asking yourself, “Didn’t she mention ‘running’ in this letter? I am not seeing any ‘running!” You are right, but I had to get you ready for it.

Song of Solomon 1:4, “Draw me, and we will run after thee…”

Listen girls, spiritually and emotionally, on that day, together, I believe the Lord healed both of us emotionally.

Emotionally, Your mom wasn’t just walking and leaping, she was running.” We were both running after Jesus together.

God had drawn us both and we were running after Him. But I have to say, your mom was “smoking me” in that run to her Prince of Peace.

I know this is long, but you’ve got this for ‘now and again’ when you need to read about your amazing mom and what the Lord did for her mad me.

I write for you girls with great amounts of love. I pray that you may you be blessed, for now and again with these reminders.

Love,
Toni Rypkema

For Now and Again #2 Letters for Jenny’s girls…

Introduction: These letters are for Jenny’s girls. Who’s Jenny. (Read Remembering Jenny Pt.1.

Jenny was a swim mom who faced the crisis of becoming paralyzed, unable to move her arms, her legs, to breathe on her own. The first year was of facing the crisis, and all that entails for a family of 5,  learning to live in her new condition, remodeling the home, purchasing a wheel-chair accessible vehicle, and coming home to 24/7 home health care.

Growing in faith, in hope and love as she faced day in and day out for almost 6  years in this condition.

 

 

Dear girls, I share this letter with you, about a hero of mine, yes, happens to  your mom.

When I have a hard day and I feel the impulse to quit or be depressed, I think of your mom. Each morning she chose willingly. Presenting her body as a living sacrifice to God, (Romans 12:1). 

Unable to move a muscle, yet totally willing and trusting in God’s healing hand, over a very long period of time. We’re not talking weeks, or long months, we’re talking years.

You see, what made your mom so special was how she was thinking.

She must have wrestled with God, (ironic, someone who couldn’t move a muscle, but was all “life” in mind and heart).

Wrestling with God, she appeared to be one who prayed as Jacob: “I won’t let go until You bless me,”(Gen. 32:24).

Your mom told me the first time I came to the house to visit, after 5 years of being paralyzed: “I consider it a privilege that God would choose me to go through this, and put me in this chair.” (She had one special wheelchair.)

I almost think I should write the word Selah, meaning pause and think about this after this statement.  She used the word privilege when talking about being paralyzed from the neck down.  Needing assistance of a respirator to breathe. Privilege that she was chosen to suffer so much loss.

I am so sorry for all the loss you girls have had to experience as well. The hugs you will receive in heaven. They will never end.

Your mom also told me, “I always loved God, even from a young age, but since I’ve been ‘in the chair’  God is so close to me. The closeness is indescribable.” And there is huge evidence of this.

I would not be writing word after word if this were not so.

I truly believe that when I hear encouragement to have an intimate relationship with Jesus, I think of your mom and her relationship with Him.

The Bible tells us that He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him (Is. 26:3).

Your mom’s mind was on god and His will and ways. She had a deep peace that passed all understanding, (Phil4).

These choices are noteworthy.

And when talking about the struggles in her marriage, (as, every married person has struggles in marriage), she never complained one bit.

Not one ounce, nada, nothing.

She simply asked me, “Have you ever read the book called  The Power of a Praying Wife?  Your mom was not able to run fast in body, but she quick to run to God in prayer.

And we had many opportunities to pray those wonderful prayers right from that book, because of your mom’s great disability, it seemed as if your mom had these prayers memorized. 

God was using your mom to help me in so many ways.

And when things weren’t really going her way, while waiting in a hospital bed for week upon week, unable to find health care to get back home,

“Can we pray that when Joe comes, that he will see that I am concerned about him and all that is going on in his life with the girls?” 

Now girls, I am sure that you’ve heard, that when mamas not happy, ain’t nobody’s happy. Not with your mama, instead of being absorbed in her own grief of seeming unanswered prayer, she prayed that she would be focused and concerned with your dad and you.

Girls, this is what a most beautiful woman looks like.

God had done a work in her. I think that is where the word glorious fits in.

The Bible does tell us that “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:10).

Your mom couldn’t walk, but follow Jesus, she did.

And in that hospital room, Rm. 609, in which she found herself for weeks on end, she asked me if I would call the elders from her church to come to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her. She continually said, “God told me that I was going to walk again.” 

The elders of the church did come. They prayed, and still, your mom, silently hoped and waited. She was an example of acceptance with joy. That’s why I write these letters, “for now and again.”

Your mom hoped in God, she believed what He said. Period.

She waited, with tears that she couldn’t wipe from her own face, she believed:

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:11-13.

S.H. Spurgeon wrote a little poem, and your mom’s story makes me think of it: “Put thou thy trust in God; In duty’s path go on; Fix on Himself thy steadfast eye, So shall thy work be done.”

“Though years on years roll on, His mercy shall endure; Though clouds and darkness hide His path, His promised grace is sure.”

On the very last visit I had with your mom, (which I had no idea it would be,) she told me, “Toni, I have some homework for you. I want you to learn a  song.” So I asked, “What song is that?” She answered, in that whisper voice she had, “It is well with my soul.”

“OK Jenny, I’ve got that one, for next time.”

I never got a chance to sing it with her, but at least now I know the song she left singing:

“When peace like a river, Attendeth my way, When sorrows, Like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, “It is well, It is well, with my soul.” It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my  soul.”

“My sin, O the bliss Of this glorious tho’t. My sin not in part But the whole Is nailed to the cross And I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!” 

And, Lord, haste the day When my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back like a scroll! The trumpet shall sound and the Lord shall descend, “Even so, it is well With my soul.  It is well, with my soul, it is well,

it is well with my soul.”

Girls, I hurt for you in that you miss your mom so much. I know these letters may bring tears, but I pray they fill your heart with love and comfort, For now and again.

With love,

Toni Rypkema

For “Now and again”, Letters to Jenny’s girls…

Introduction: These are letters to Jenny’s Girls. Who’s Jenny? Read “Remembering Jenny, Pt.1” Jenny was a young woman, 34 years of age who became completely paralyzed, a quadriplegic, only able to turn her neck within a 24 hour period by a mysterious virus, etc. She was a gift to me. A witness of the sufficient grace of God.

Letter #1

Writing –  because God has put it on my heart. Yes, ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, the Lord has me writing.

But for Sue, Al, and Jan, the Lord has me putting together for you, letters about your mom, Jenny, Oh girls,  I write because your mom was one of the most beautiful women ever.

You see, people are caught up with outside appearances, and magazines are filled with pictures of beautiful women, but your mom was exceptional in beauty that matters. Beauty of the heart. God doesn’t look at the outside of a person, but at the heart.

I believe your mom was one of God’s most victorious treasures.

Life is filled with a lot of blessings as well as a lot of troubles, but God holds each of us in His Hands, through it all, the good and the bad. He’s always with us.

God’s word tells us so.

And what’s crazy about it all, is, it seems that we don’t even experience God’s hand , and don’t grow in discovering that we are actually held in His hand,  until after we have been at our lowest, after times of great pain, after suffering, heartache and loss.

it’s then that we discover God’s hand holding us up. There’s no strength left on our  own.

You and your family have gone through extreme trial.   I’m  sorry you girls have had to suffer so.

Your mother was exceptional. She continually gave her disappointments to God and took courage with the challenges she faced. She made the choice . . .

to surrender to His will in everything.

She couldn’t move. Nothing. Nada.

You girls were her life. She asked God to “get her out of bed everyday,” for each of you. She never gave up on God. Even when it seemed as if He wasn’t hearing her prayers.

He was faithful to lift her faith as if she had wings as eagles, by His Spirit. You witnessed it, I know you did. And I did too. So I write so we can remember, “now and again.” Your mom had faith that reached the heavens, believing God.

Not being able to  do anything, because her body shut down on her, she did the best thing. Believing God, with excellence.

This woman was your mama.

 

It seems that after great pain, we are made ready to actually receive great joy. We witness this every time a newborn baby is born. And after sickness, we often times are made ready to become “healed” in so many areas in our lives, (even in some areas that we didn’t even know were sick).

Your mom suffered greatly, but drew closer and closer to God, and guess what? He drew closer and closer to her. So beautifully close, with sweet intimacy that your mom was ‘filled’ with His Spirit.

Exceedingly, abundantly.

Her very heart shined like Ps. 103: “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all of your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tendermercies; who satisfies your mouth with good things; so that your youth is renewed like the eagles…”

God became so close to your mom, that what I witnessed, was His sufficient grace,  literally “made her bed.”

Your mom knew that many  nurses would see her and feel sadfor her. But your mom had a prayerful heart and communed with God so much that she felt sad for them. For their heaviness of trial without faith.

She was thankful and in full expectation of God.

Your mom had the joy of the Lord. (In case you ever wondered what that looked like.) Don’t get me wrong, she told me about her struggles with doubt, but she knew where to run. Your mom couldn’t walk or stand, but she ran a marathon of faith as she trusted God, even without seeing results, and she continually hoped in Him.

Your mom’s cry was much like David’s in Ps. 62:1, “Truly my soul silently waits for God. From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.”

Yes, so much silence, so much waiting, and she couldn’t move and make things happen, but because God was her Rock, she was not ‘greatly moved.’ God met her and gave her His grace which is all sufficient, and she victoriously calmed and quieted herself much like David once again:

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvaiton; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Ps. 62:5,6.

So, I told your mom that I was writing a book called God’s Hand. That God had put on my heart to write and He confirmed it with His word: “write in a book for yourself the things I have shown you in My word, (Jer. 33:1). I have someone who encouraged the Bible journaling, and I have someone who encouraged the writing, but I told your mom, that she was the “feet” to move this to completion.

She would smile and say, “It will get written.”

Little did I know, that God would simply show me His treasure, your mom,  and He would have me write her story.

The last hymn I sang with your mother was,  “I Surrender All.”

Your mom had feet that couldn’t even wiggle, but she is the “feet” to my writing.

For almost 6 years, she was tried and tested in all things,  with many cuts allowed to be made in this diamond. And shine, shine, shine she did with faith, hope, and love.

Your dear mom has gone home to be with her Lord. She was hoping that He would heal her so she could be here with you, but it was His will that she go to be with Him instead.

Oh, but she lives on, in each of you, and many others too.  It was Nov. 9th, 2013. It was  February of 2008, her body would not move, but Jenny let God mover her, every step of the way.

Now she dances in His presence.

I wrote quite a bit of our times with the Lord, your mother and me, so I would like to share them with you,  in letters. For now and again, you can read one, to cry or take courage or just cuddle with.

Because in life, “it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish” that matters, and your mama, . . .she finished amazingly well.

Be blessed and filled with an abundance of comfort,

Toni Rypkema

What if I didn't bring my guitar that day?

“What if I didn’t bring my guitar on that day?” It’s ‘outside the box’ to bring a guitar in the hospital, but God had me bring it often, with a few particular songs to sing, every time I visited Jenny -whether at home or in the hospital. We all understand when professional musicians carry their instruments to ‘scheduled’ performances, and oh how we enjoy those moments when we are brought together for those monumental performances-yet, God,
the Great Conductor orchestrates ‘monumental moments’ when we yield to His leading. I must record this moment in that God wants me to remember the very last song we sang…
First, the ‘we’- Jenny and myself and my friend Gail and a man from Jenny’s church. Second, ‘the moment – Jenny, the friend God gave me to help lift my ‘pity-ful’ thoughts out of the ash heap to soar in a sky of blue. Yes, the friend who suffered so many great losses, even the loss and ability to feel or move any muscle below her neck for close to 6 years. Yes – Jenny was paralyzed within a 24 hour period from some unknown ‘virus’ at the age of 35, completely from the neck down!
(Take a moment and imagine losing the feeling and ability to move anything below your neck for even one day, let alone almost 6 years!) Anyway, back to the moment- God knew – but we didn’t- that this moment in time was to be our last day to talk and sing. This moment after being in the hospital almost 3months, separated from her home and her loved ones so much of the time, this young 40 year old woman beamed with joy when I pulled out my ‘baby Taylor’ to play the hymn, “My Jesus, I Love Thee.”
This was no performance to be remembered for perfection, but this was a moment of precious and purest of praises. None of us knew this would be the last song. But God did. And unless I write this down today and record this moment, it might be forgotten, but God wants me to remember…
He wants me to remember so I can be reminded forever that He is in control. He is the Great Conductor. God knew that about 15 hours later, Jenny would suffer lack of oxygen and go into a coma for a short time, before going on home to Him. God’s the only One who knew, but we can know the song…we can know the song that she had on her mind, because we sang it together on that day, and God was with us because He inhabits pure praise:
“My Jesus I love Thee; I know Thou art mine. for Thee all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious Redeemer, My Savior art Thou. If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now. (William R. Featherston)
To think that the ‘Great Conductor’ had Jenny and I reading together the last few visits in the Song of Songs, the Song of Solomon where we both discovered just how great His love is for us. We sang the words, “I know Thou art mine” in a most deep and rich way. Like two school girls that had been ‘kissed’ by Jesus:
“Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove’s eyes…” (Song of Sol. 1:15). ”
 We had read also, “The voice of my beloved! Behold He comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills…behold He stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke to me: “Rise up, my love,my fair one, And come away. For lo,
the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come…” (Song of Sol 2:8-10).
We sang on that monumental day: “I love Thee, Because Thou hast first loved me, And purchased my pardon On Calvary’s tree. I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow, If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, tis now.”
Jenny and I, through our time together were touched by the Lord. He knows about our thorns. He told us so, “Like a lily among thorns, So is my love among the daughters.” (Song of Sol 2:1). So we sang with such depth of meaning the words, “I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow,...” and we meant every word as we sang, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus,tis now.”

These were not just words, they were spirit and we were worshiping our Lord in Spirit and in Truth and He was with us on that monumental day. He inhabited that amazing praise!
As time goes by, I don’t want to forget, so write I will, and when I sing this hymn, I always remember this day. The next two verses are so amazing, in that of all the hymns, this is the one that God chose for me to bring. God is in control, if you aren’t sure, read these words aloud as well, as we sang aloud that precious day:
“I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death. And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus ’tis now.” Only God knew that the last breaths were approaching.
But this brings me the greatest of comfort, that God chose this song, because I will always wonder, “Lord, was Jenny hearing this song in her coma? So much mystery that only You know, Lord.”
But here are the words of the last verse we sang, so amazing, beyond glorious -truly God’s on the Throne: “In mansions of glory And endless delight, I’ll ever adore Thee In heaven so bright. I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”
I’m thankful that God had me bring my guitar that day, I’m thankful for the song He chose. TO think that He was willing to wear that crown of thorns so we could wear a ‘glittering crown on our brows’! And when we get there, we will lay those crowns down at the feet of Him who loves us so.
So, if God has you go ‘outside the box’ and grab that hymn book, psalm, or even to grab that guitar ,to bring to someone whose been broken,  you might just witness, as I did that day, a monumental moment that you will  record in the journal of your heart, that God supernaturally heals you all, with His presence – you all have joy, no matter what happened or is going to transpire, God has a plan, and it’s something we can hold on to!
Lord, I miss Jenny so much. But I thank You that she is whole and alive forevermore. Soon and very soon we will be together again. Thank You for her life. Thank You for Yours! “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”

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